ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
