Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
