somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
