Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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