it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
