I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How naked do you want me to be?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
