It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
