conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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