i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
