You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
