Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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