that's an acceptable place to lick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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