Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I deserve this hangover.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
