Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
