I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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