I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
