I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize