Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
