I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
