wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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