he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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