you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
