Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
