dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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