Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
