I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
