3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
