my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
