Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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