Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
