I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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