the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
