Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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