Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
