"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
