even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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