So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
