Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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