i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
