its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
