Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
