why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
