Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Someone shit on the floor
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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