Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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