if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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