I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
