I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
