I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i've created a new STD.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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