he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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