I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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