You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
