The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
